Stuff and business

[amberdreams]

Just a drive-by to apologise for being largely absent - Gishing is swallowing up my week, and I doubt I'll ever catch up with all your posts. Especially as I also need to finish my second BB art work, and read two long awaited Big Bangs PDQ!

But I wanted to come on to have a whinge. Then a moan/squee.

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*

However, I refuse to let these stupid feelings of inadequacy get me down.

Gishweek is going rather well! Though I've failed to persuade my dentist surgery that they need a string quartet in the surgeries to calm their patients down. Which is sad, especially as I know other teams will manage that one. It's bugging me because I know two dentists, one in the US and one in Australia, and I have one friend in a string quartet and another whose kids are in the local Youth Orchestra, so it felt as though I should have been able to finagle it somehow.

Now I'm off to create an album cover featuring an animal rock star. Byeeee!

Comments

[sinfulslasher]

Well, for what it's worth, my humble opinion is that you're incredibly interesting with ridiculous amounts of talent, and if the so-called cool kids ignore you, it's their loss and not yours.

*hugs*

Sorry to hear the string quartet item didn't work out but there are tons of other items you'll surely manage. If you / your team need any help with an item, feel free to holler. :)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ha ha I've been hollering all over - though as I said, we seem to be doing rather well this year. But that's probably because I'm ignoring the impossible tasks, LOL. Currently I'm trying to find a naval officer or enlisted person willing to video themselves hula hooping on the deck of a warship.

And thank you so much for the kind words - honestly, I wasn't fishing for compliments!

[theatregirl7299]

Ms Amberdreams - Don't feel left out. I'm on Twitter and Google chat on east coast time and would love to talk Show and fic and plot bunnehs and random randomness. Let me know where and when!!!

💜❤️💙💛💚

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ooh look at the multicoloured hearts, you clever thing! Thanks for the offer - I've never used google chat though I am on google so I suppose it's feasible! I wasn't angling for offers but it's lovely of you to do so. I'm totally swamped at the moment and this was a stupid time to come on here and complain about stuff LOL.

I'm totally up for chats after this week though.

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

Aw, BB, i'm sorry you feel that way! i dont think of you in that way at all but see you as a well known, definitely interesting, hugely talented, and respected part of fandom. Your arting especially is fantastic!
I suppose Twitter is the place to be these days but i refuse to as i hate it. I hope you get past this, BB ♥♥ why would you even care abt those so called 'cool kids discussions'?

Happy Gishing! :D ♥♥

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Heh heh it was Twitter that set me off, and seeing comments on someone's LJ too. Stupid! And thank you, I wasn't posting this to get a boost but it's lovely that you did it anyway! ♥

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*


ITS NOT JUST ME???

You ARE the cool kid, in my book!!! I love that you comment so often, and am grateful for it. I love working with you. I think you are funny and warm and snarky and delightful. I think we should definitely email, unless you are already tiptoeing away at this point... seriously though, Ive been just at this point this week too with feeling that the apparent cloak of invisibility or whatever is draped over my head.

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

**smooches you**

I think it was looking at Twitter today, it got me down. I resent that so many folk who used to be lovely active presences on LJ seem to have migrated over there. Stupid, I know. Nothing lasts forever...

But yes, do email if you feel like it petal - but leave it till after GISHWHES is over LOL

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have guessed you felt that way because you're part of the cool kids from my perspective. You're the heart of things, involved with a lot of people and communities. But I know that doesn't change how you feel, and it does suck those feelings never go away. I've felt like a wallflower myself, what with most of my flist quietly migrating to twitter (when did that happen?!), but that's also largely my fault. I just can't keep up online. My interest in and devotion for show is just not as deep, consuming, and long-running as others...

Anyways, I look forward to seeing your big bang art. I plan to catch up with BB posts and comments once I finish my final set as well *hugs* Thank you for all that you've given me in fandom - your time, your support, your stories (from RL to fandom exploits), the laughter and joy - that makes a bigger impact than just being "cool."

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ah you are so lovely ♥... Thank YOU! I know this is stupid, and the ones I'm seeing as the cool kids probably don't feel they are anyway, which makes it even sillier. But yeah - what is it with people migrating to Twitter. You can't even have a proper conversation there - and it's so ephemeral too. It's much too easy to miss things and it doesn't allow for mulling over and thinking time. *sigh*

Still. BBs, baby! Looking forward to seeing your second one too!! ♥

[galwithglasses.livejournal.com]

Hey, you. 8-) You're one of my favorite people around these parts. I get the wallflower feeling a lot myself. I can't even figure out where people are having discussions let alone participate. More than a wallflower, I feel like a dinosaur. I don't get twitter and can't figure out how to say anything important in that few characters anyhow. But the biggest bit of it is I'm shy no matter what medium I show up in. It takes a long time to get comfortable with people but the world doesn't seem to move that slow, especially now with the internet. People are off to the next big thing. In many ways, I'm lucky SPN has been around as long as it has. That at least has provided consistency where most other things have come and long gone by. When I always feel left out the most is when people talk about getting together at cons. There's one in my town next week but I'm out of town. Even had I been in town like I was last year, going to a con just isn't going to fly with the way my life and family work. I can live with that but I still feel like I'm missing out on something big. I'm glad you're doing Gishweek and hope you are having fun with that.

[viviansface.livejournal.com]

oh i definitely think you're one of the cool kids too! that being said, i'm sorry you feel that way. but i'll gladly high five you because i feel the same most of the time. (and it sucks, but maybe if we make a club out of it, we'll feel better about... our own feelings, i guess.)

*goes back to researching how to make apps*

[hugemind.livejournal.com]

You totally are one of the cool kids fandom people! I don't know how to just chat with people outside LJ, but LJ commenting I can do - other social media platforms just confuse me. I have a twitter but mostly I use it just to keep up on fandom news and to look at pictures of otters. Wait, do you have a twitter? Because if you do I'd totally add you even though I'm bad at twittering.

Now I'm off to create an album cover featuring an animal rock star.

LOL, you're definitely not the boring kid! :D Have a great gishweek!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Otters... aw... Yes I'm on Twitter but only use it every now and then. I'm @amberdreams on there too (aka Tiger Lily Peatfingers). ♥ to you!

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

It's easy to feel that you're talking into a void sometimes online, even though at other times the community here is a lifeline. And I think it's always difficult negotiating the very shared interest based kind of interactions one has in fandom -- it can be hard to disentangle feelings about the interest from feelings about other people, and it can be painful having one's interests diverge from other people's, or other people's from one own.

But you are most surely not boring!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I don't mind being boring but ha, other times I want to be SOMEBODY. I'm nothing if not contrary. But I am still happy on LJ, so I guess this is it. Tumblr and Twitter just don't have the conversational capacity for me.

Still love you though!

[dear-tiger.livejournal.com]

:D I'd probably feel the same way if I was on Twitter. Ignorance is bliss. But for what it's worth, I'm always, always up for an original fic discussion via PM or email! Always. Don't care about the show these days and don't read fic anymore (other than to troll), but original and publishing and editing and starting new work? Tell me ALL about that!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Sadly my original fic brain is pretty dead at the moment, I'm all about rambling about nothing much. LOL

[sillie]

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*

Omg, this. I've started to resent Twitter more and more these days. It's taken away so many awesome people from LJ. I can't check Twitter during the day, and way to much has been posted by the time I get home to catch up. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Also, when I do try to participate in conversations, I usually get ignored and that only intensifies that feeling of being the outcast. :/

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed, timing as well as time is a bastard for Twitter 'conversations'. And I don't think it's being ignored, it's that you can tweet a reply to something and it just gets lost in the noise because Twitter doesn't display threads logically.

[synn.livejournal.com]

If it helps any, to me, you're definitely more of a 'cool kid' online than I am, but I know the feelings and I'm sorry you have them too :(

As for the dentist; all you can do is ask. I was thinking today how GISHWHES, if nothing else, has taught me to hear 'no' a lot. It's frustrating, but so many of the tasks rely on not just the gishers, but non-participants, to step outside their comfort zone, and a lot of adults just aren't willing to do that.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Eh, you are way cool. Well, once thing this post has taught me, there is a whole bunch of us who feel the same way!

As for the gishing, yep - it's a classic lesson for the old adage, don't ask, don't get!

[tifaching.livejournal.com]

I love you. <3 And I get exactly how you feel. I've never felt like a "cool kid" around here and mostly just feel like I sit in my corner, though I know that's not remotely true. (not the cool kid bit, but the sitting in the corner bit, I do tend to get way, way out of my corner sometimes) ;) You, by the way, are fascinating and awesome and my flistiest flisty. I'm not here nearly enough these days and can't be here any longer now because my gishing is wayyyyy behind.

blackrabbit 42 did our animal album cover and it's awesome. ;)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Hee! You are deffo one of my cool kids. I'm missing you but hopefully when Gishing is over you will have more time for LJ again.

I can't wait to see what my friends' teams have come up with! I'm supposed to be doing that album cover but I'm fast running out of time... meep!

[anactoria.livejournal.com]

IA about Twitter and Tumblr. They can be such a chore to keep up with, and there's no time/space for thoughtful discussions. :( I'm very glad SPN is one of the few fandoms that still has a LJ presence! And if the cool kids are leaving you out, it's their loss!

Good luck with the GISHing!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you, but today is for your art, so I'm off to draw a hex box!

[kalliel]

Ugh, I'm sorry you're feeling that way, bb. :((( I definitely know that place. The thing I always think about is the title of Felicia Day's book, You're Never Weird on the Internet. I've never read it, so I don't actually know what it's about, but I ALWAYS think, YES. YES YOU CAN. YOU CAN DEFINITELY BE WEIRD EVEN ON THE GODDAMN INTERNET. XP And it sucks! Because it makes me feel like, man, if I can strike out even in the midst of a bunch of people who are more like me than the average street block by about 9000%, then I really am doomed! XP Because I totally also get those feelings of like, man, how come--even on the Internet!!!!--everyone seems to be better friends with each other than they are with me? :( Or like, man, I wish people did X or Y thing, or felt moved to email me/message me/etc. the way they do with their other friends! Bleh.

For what it's worth, I consider you one of the cool kids. And I know that when you're in this kind of meh headspace that isn't necessarily helpful to know--I'd rather 100 people said it right here right now, not just me! (and undoubtedly others in this post before me!)--but do know that it's quite true.

Good luck on gishing, and getting other zany things to come to fruition, even if dental symphonies aren't in the cards! And on your BB arts, too. Go get 'em, gurl!!!! <33333 I LOVE YOU.

[sillie]

Because I totally also get those feelings of like, man, how come--even on the Internet!!!!--everyone seems to be better friends with each other than they are with me? :( Or like, man, I wish people did X or Y thing, or felt moved to email me/message me/etc. the way they do with their other friends! Bleh.

Ugh, I've been feeling this so much lately. :/

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know what you mean. I shy away from twitter and tumblr etc mainly because I hear horror stories about all the hate and unfriendliness and I don't want my fandom time to leave me feeling blue. I know I miss out on some stuff, but there are still people on LJ, and for that I'm so grateful - I think we're a pretty cool gang!!! *group hug*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I don't think we miss much, to be honest. I get so much more quality interaction here! *snuggles my Flist*

Friend meme?!

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering recently about doing some kind of friend meme; a way for people to make new friends and interact. It might be a nice way for everyone who does use this platform to meet each other and interact more.

I know I see some names that I recognise on other people's post that I haven't friended yet, and maybe it would be a good excuse to kick start some new friendships as well some more LJ activity?

RE: Friend meme?!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I'm rubbish at friending memes, I confess - mainly because I'm not very proactive, so I rely on email alerts to tell me when friends post - which means with all the comms and friends and writers I want to follow, I soon fill up my quota on LJ. I'm constantly having to cull, not my Flist but whose posts I see.

[laughablelament]

Um, I know like a billion people have said this but I'm scared of you, you're so cool to me. Seems like everyone's working hard right now, to remind ourselves and each other we're all kind of weird, and that's good! ^_^ Me? Definitely not cool. Kind of interesting though. I've lived a strange life. O.o

Anyway I want to wish you happy gishing and say, I'm always down for an email/PM chat. See scared of you, above. ;)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Now see, I can't imagine anyone being scared of me coz they think I'm cool. Scared because they think I'm an irascible old coot, yeah, but not cool! Ha ha ha! We are silly insecure creatures, aren't we!

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

Sorry I didn't see this last week, I really don't know where the time goes and I seem to be constantly playing catch-up with friends feeds!

You really aren't the only one who feels this way, I've never been part of the cool kids gang, and on the whole that suits me fine but sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out! I actually feel more cool on LJ than in RL, mixing with all you creative types!

I think you're a very interesting person both on LJ and in RL, I'm looking forward to seeing you on Saturday. I think what's great about SPN friendships is that we start with a shared obsession interest then find lots of other things we have in common, so it's never dull!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I don't know why I posted this, and it obviously sounded more angsty than I actually felt - but it's been a bit of a revelation how many of us are sitting around feeling the same thing!

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

That's certainly not the impression I get of you.
You were one of the first people to welcome me into fandom, and along with Viv, you showed me the ropes at my first couple of conventions.

You draw, write, organise, cheerlead, and encourage. This fandom wouldn't be the same without you in it!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks Jane! ♥

[aerynsun5.livejournal.com]

Dude, are you kidding? I consider you one of the coolest kids on LJ. I'm so glad I found you--I think through the fabulous Ms June--you're super high up on my list. So, no sad thoughts allowed!

[aerynsun5.livejournal.com]

Dude, are you kidding? I consider you one of the coolest kids on LJ. I'm so glad I found you--I think through the fabulous Ms June--you're super high up on my list. So, no sad thoughts allowed!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Eh. *hugs you tight*