A message for Dreamweaver's friends!

[amberdreams]

Reading some of my lovely flisties comments about how hurt they have been by dreamweaver37 deception, or how they are feeling foolish for giving him their trust - I think there is something very important you should all bear in mind.

Don't feel bad! We all believed him (or wanted to). The only reason I had any doubts was down to having been taken in before by that micamonroe (who apparently is tragically dead according to his still live LJ). When that happened I looked up this syndrome and it is a thing - people often have multiple online identities (though how the hell they keep up with them all I have no idea) and can even use one ID to reinforce the others. Mostly they are harmless but sometimes theycan be malicious - like that woman on Twitter who has a serious personality disorder and has threatened people in real life (my friend Dave being one).

In this case, I think dreamweaver wasn't malicious, he/she was just looking for attention/reinforcement, maybe a feeling of importance? Who knows.

Whatever the reason, please don't feel bad about this - Think of it this way - any emotional investment we had in this person's story was still real because we genuinely thought here was someone who was doing good things that merited our support. The fact that these things may not have been real doesn't negate our sympathy or empathy or any words of support we might have spoken. The fact that the recipient didn't deserve it doesn't mean our actions were worthless. Our own goodness and thoughtfulness in putting together messages of love doesn't change, neither does the intent behind the messages. So his child wasn't real and we mourned - we've mourned fictional characters before and it's good to feel. Human beings need to feel.

We are still good people who had good thoughts and tried to do good things. That is a truth that his lies cannot change.

And don't let it stop you being kind in future. It's a small risk we take that has a huge impact. Loving someone is always a risk - we can't really get hurt if we don't love.

Um, I'll stop moralising now LOL

Comments

[heavenli24.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is the first I've heard of any of this (I don't even know who dreamweaver37 is, though the username seems familiar) - what happened?

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Oh just a person who made a sockpuppet LJ account that got quite a few of us emotionally invested in their fictitious life. They wrote fanfic and posted about their supposed private life and kids, turns out it was all a lie.

[sleepypercy.livejournal.com]

This is such a beautiful way of stating everything ♥

It is distressing to have someone make our little LJ fandom feel violated, but connecting with people is always a risk - whether in person or online. But I am still glad for every person on LJ that I have taken a risk on by calling a friend.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Me too - all the plus factors more than make up for the odd weirdness, I think.

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

As I said in pm, good solid advice and sound reasoning and just *hugs* something that I think a lot of us needed to hear!

Doesn't stop it hurting though, and it doesn't stop it making some of us feel foolish, it does however renew my faith in my real friends, which to be honest is quite awe inspiring considering my brain could've gone the other way!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I've got those feelings too but I refuse to dwell - especially when 99% of the people I've met online have been wonderful.

[chomaisky.livejournal.com]

Well said :)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

:D hugs to all my real friends!

[whiskygalore.livejournal.com]

Absolutely! You put into words exactly what I was thinking, well said :) xx

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I think some people need to hear it said, you know? :D

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

We are still good people who had good thoughts and tried to do good things. That is a truth that his lies cannot change.

Well said, Amberdreams!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Hugs!

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting this. I've been feeling physically ill about the whole thing all day. And feeling stupid for believing him, and for actually crying when "his" "child" "died". I wasn't super close to him but I still feel betrayed, and just sick, and every time I logged into LJ today I felt gross. I was considering taking a break from internet for a little while until i felt better about it, and I'm still not sure if I will or not, but your post definitely made me feel at least a little bit better <3 So thank you *hugs*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Hugs you back

I know exactly what you mean - I won't lie and say I don't feel a bit that same. But I refuse to let this contaminate all the wonderful folk I've met online, or my self respect. You know? We only feel bad because we feel at all (if that does't sound daft) and that is a good thing.

[hybridshade.livejournal.com]

Couldn't agree more. Very well said, m'dear! I wasn't particularly invested in them myself (despite being their 'friend') but I hope some others can take comfort in your words :)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Hope so - this kind of thing really sucks.

[anniespinkhouse.livejournal.com]

Ah, you speak the truth, and when s/he is gone then maybe some of the genuine people who connected over the fake drama will still benefit from knowing each other. There are a lot of kind folks here. Thank you.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

There are a lot of genuine friendships to be had in this community, the main thing is to remember that, methinks.

Hugs all round for us!

No title

[livejournal.livejournal.com]

User badbastion referenced to your post from No title (http://badbastion.livejournal.com/104904.html) saying: [...] until I felt better about the whole thing, however long that would take. But then I read ' journal [...]

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

<333333

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

♥ to you too!

[herminekurotowa.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your words. I know all this, but it still hurts.

Yes, we mourn fictional characters when we read fanfics; the difference is: we know they're fictional.

I thought Saoirse was a real little girl, just six weeks older than K.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I know... ((((hugs))))

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

While I don't know this person on LJ, a lot of my flist do, and your message is beautiful and I was so happy to see you put into words what I feeling while reading all these posts on my feed.

This is a community, and its power comes from what we all invest into it; friendship, love, compassion and positivity. It's a thing to be proud of, and celebrated, and we should never feel that what we put into it is wasted.

Well said Amb! And thank you ♥

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Eh, thank YOU! ♥

[sw0rdy.livejournal.com]

Wise words from a wise lady. I saw posts about 'dreamweaver37' via various people on my friends list back when their child died, so naturally I went to their journal to read their story and straight away something felt 'off' about them. To be honest, their lives read like fanfic - a perfect gay couple with a bunch of kids no one else wanted?

I'm the first to admit however, that by nature I am horribly cynical so I just told myself I was a shitty human being for even doubting their validity when they were obviously well established in the SPN community. I've been around other fandoms a long time and seen various versions of this kind of thing, so maybe that's where my cynicism really kicked in. Either way, I was happy to be a shitty, mistrustful person if it means there are awesome people like this out there.

And there ARE. That's what all the people who got hurt by this deception (and cynics like me) need to remember. The truly good people are the ones who share a near-stranger's pain and do nice things to try and ease their suffering without an iron-clad guarantee that the stranger is who they say they are. No one should feel foolish for trying to see the best in people.

*hugs to everyone who is hurting*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

That's a lovely thing to say. I confess, I always found it hard to believe that a gay couple would be permitted to adopt not one but six children, especially in the US where attitudes to homosexuality is not generally known to be that liberal. But believing it to be true made me think maybe the System wasn't so bad, as well as thinking it was nice that there were people out there willing to give kids a second chance. So I kind of ignored my inner cynic. Hey ho.

[blackrabbit42.livejournal.com]

Exactly. That kindness that was put out into the universe is not wasted. All it did was show what amazing kind ladies you all are.

(((Hugs the family)))

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

SPN Family kicks in on these occasions, so there is that.

[etoile-etiolee.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. It really does make me feel a little better.
I've been reading stuff about Munschaussen by Internet for the most part of the evening yesterday, maybe to help me understand better, and I know this can happen -and has happen to a lot of people, putting your trust into someone who reveals not to be real.

I love my friends here,and I hope our little corner of the fandom will not suffer too much from what dreamweaver did to us.

<3

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I'm glad if this helps a little bit - this is an opportunity for the best part of SPN family to kick in, I think.

[havenseptember6.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. Badbastion wrote basically exactly what I felt and am feeling. It is so very upsetting. I'm going to try to move on though, because I know that there are so many other wonderful people in the group. *Hugs*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Indeed there are - and if not every one of us is showing our whole face, we have proved we are willing to put our hearts out there. (((hugs)))

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

well written, I wasn't directly affected by this, altho even not knowing him/her, I did leave a pm when I heard about the child's death. It's upsetting to me that people in my flist were hurt. But I completely agree with what you are saying, it says nothing about who we are as people and as a community that we are trusting and loving and there to reach out and offer support. We should not feel bad about ourselves for that. It's something to celebrate.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Exactly - you didn't 'know' this person yet you still reached out when you thought they needed it. That is indeed something wonderful.

[stripytights.livejournal.com]

What a lovely way to put it - and exactly right. Nothing changes about the feelings people put in and the good things it says about them.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

We are a good bunch! :D

[sammycolt24.livejournal.com]

Thank you for putting a positive note about this whole thing. I was his artist when the mourning happened and now I feel pretty awful about it. I just felt like I was played.

And you're right, I won't stop being kind just because this happened. That is who I am and I won't stop being that person. So thank you for reminding me.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

He(?) played us all - but yes, we are good people and shouldn't lose that part of ourselves over this. Hugs all round!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Well put hun. I don't know this person (though the name is familiar), but I think those words will help many who did. These people are definitely troubled and it feels horrible that we could be duped by them. But they also need some sympathy. Their lives must be awful.

xxx

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

It is a mental illness, I think. Some desperate craving for recognition. Who knows. Demons I get, people are crazy.

[denyce.livejournal.com]

Wow, honestly I'm more than weirded out and deeply saddened. I had been planning on posting on the griefgroup again as things are getting tougher... Guess I'll just take a deep breath and post to my journal. In the meantime I'll keep your words in mind and be grateful that a child didn't actually die.

Also I am thankful the group was created because it was nice knowing it was there, a place I could go to helped my spirits.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

While their motive for creating that group was clearly screwed up, that doesn't mean the group can't be a good thing. There are genuine people on it, after all. (((hugs you)))

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

you are awesome, and i am certainly glad for your clear vision and pragmatic view. much love to you :-)

<3<3<3

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

It's easy to be pragmatic when you are not heavily invested! But yeah, if words can help, stick em out there, that's what I think. xx

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

You said everything I was thinking but much more eloquently than I would have! I want to second this...

"We are still good people who had good thoughts and tried to do good things. That is a truth that his lies cannot change.
And don't let it stop you being kind in future. It's a small risk we take that has a huge impact. Loving someone is always a risk - we can't really get hurt if we don't love."

Thank you for being so positive about this, I really think this will make us all a little wary in future but also it will make us value our true friends all the more *hugs*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I hope so, I was already slightly wary after the micamonroe thing, which was the first time I'd come across this strange behaviour - though there is also that Rowena/Penny character over on FB & Twitter. Though she sounds a tad more dangerous than anything I've come across over here.

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

AMEN.

I'm not religious but you make me want to worship at your altar ;)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Eh! You're making me blush!