A message for Dreamweaver's friends!

[amberdreams]

Reading some of my lovely flisties comments about how hurt they have been by dreamweaver37 deception, or how they are feeling foolish for giving him their trust - I think there is something very important you should all bear in mind.

Don't feel bad! We all believed him (or wanted to). The only reason I had any doubts was down to having been taken in before by that micamonroe (who apparently is tragically dead according to his still live LJ). When that happened I looked up this syndrome and it is a thing - people often have multiple online identities (though how the hell they keep up with them all I have no idea) and can even use one ID to reinforce the others. Mostly they are harmless but sometimes theycan be malicious - like that woman on Twitter who has a serious personality disorder and has threatened people in real life (my friend Dave being one).

In this case, I think dreamweaver wasn't malicious, he/she was just looking for attention/reinforcement, maybe a feeling of importance? Who knows.

Whatever the reason, please don't feel bad about this - Think of it this way - any emotional investment we had in this person's story was still real because we genuinely thought here was someone who was doing good things that merited our support. The fact that these things may not have been real doesn't negate our sympathy or empathy or any words of support we might have spoken. The fact that the recipient didn't deserve it doesn't mean our actions were worthless. Our own goodness and thoughtfulness in putting together messages of love doesn't change, neither does the intent behind the messages. So his child wasn't real and we mourned - we've mourned fictional characters before and it's good to feel. Human beings need to feel.

We are still good people who had good thoughts and tried to do good things. That is a truth that his lies cannot change.

And don't let it stop you being kind in future. It's a small risk we take that has a huge impact. Loving someone is always a risk - we can't really get hurt if we don't love.

Um, I'll stop moralising now LOL

Comments

[blackrabbit42.livejournal.com]

Exactly. That kindness that was put out into the universe is not wasted. All it did was show what amazing kind ladies you all are.

(((Hugs the family)))

[etoile-etiolee.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. It really does make me feel a little better.
I've been reading stuff about Munschaussen by Internet for the most part of the evening yesterday, maybe to help me understand better, and I know this can happen -and has happen to a lot of people, putting your trust into someone who reveals not to be real.

I love my friends here,and I hope our little corner of the fandom will not suffer too much from what dreamweaver did to us.

<3

[havenseptember6.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this. Badbastion wrote basically exactly what I felt and am feeling. It is so very upsetting. I'm going to try to move on though, because I know that there are so many other wonderful people in the group. *Hugs*

[meesasometimes.livejournal.com]

well written, I wasn't directly affected by this, altho even not knowing him/her, I did leave a pm when I heard about the child's death. It's upsetting to me that people in my flist were hurt. But I completely agree with what you are saying, it says nothing about who we are as people and as a community that we are trusting and loving and there to reach out and offer support. We should not feel bad about ourselves for that. It's something to celebrate.

[stripytights.livejournal.com]

What a lovely way to put it - and exactly right. Nothing changes about the feelings people put in and the good things it says about them.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I know... ((((hugs))))

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

That's a lovely thing to say. I confess, I always found it hard to believe that a gay couple would be permitted to adopt not one but six children, especially in the US where attitudes to homosexuality is not generally known to be that liberal. But believing it to be true made me think maybe the System wasn't so bad, as well as thinking it was nice that there were people out there willing to give kids a second chance. So I kind of ignored my inner cynic. Hey ho.

[sammycolt24.livejournal.com]

Thank you for putting a positive note about this whole thing. I was his artist when the mourning happened and now I feel pretty awful about it. I just felt like I was played.

And you're right, I won't stop being kind just because this happened. That is who I am and I won't stop being that person. So thank you for reminding me.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

SPN Family kicks in on these occasions, so there is that.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I'm glad if this helps a little bit - this is an opportunity for the best part of SPN family to kick in, I think.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Indeed there are - and if not every one of us is showing our whole face, we have proved we are willing to put our hearts out there. (((hugs)))

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Exactly - you didn't 'know' this person yet you still reached out when you thought they needed it. That is indeed something wonderful.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

We are a good bunch! :D

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

He(?) played us all - but yes, we are good people and shouldn't lose that part of ourselves over this. Hugs all round!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

♥ to you too!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Munschaussen by Internet

OMG that is fucking fantastic! What a perfect term for this sort of self propelled shit-storm.

I am completely unaware of this particular incident, but like others have said, it is certainly not specific to this person or fandom.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Well put hun. I don't know this person (though the name is familiar), but I think those words will help many who did. These people are definitely troubled and it feels horrible that we could be duped by them. But they also need some sympathy. Their lives must be awful.

xxx

[denyce.livejournal.com]

Wow, honestly I'm more than weirded out and deeply saddened. I had been planning on posting on the griefgroup again as things are getting tougher... Guess I'll just take a deep breath and post to my journal. In the meantime I'll keep your words in mind and be grateful that a child didn't actually die.

Also I am thankful the group was created because it was nice knowing it was there, a place I could go to helped my spirits.

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

you are awesome, and i am certainly glad for your clear vision and pragmatic view. much love to you :-)

<3<3<3

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

While their motive for creating that group was clearly screwed up, that doesn't mean the group can't be a good thing. There are genuine people on it, after all. (((hugs you)))

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

It's easy to be pragmatic when you are not heavily invested! But yeah, if words can help, stick em out there, that's what I think. xx

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

Me too, and nothing's gonna take away from that!

[denyce.livejournal.com]

Very true, but the groups setting for posting is under moderation and both owner/maintainer deleted their accounts.

I guess I could test that, but I have a feeling it'd just sit in queue.

I would start another group, but what he put in the profile about grief and isolating oneself is true, and I think I definitely fall into that category. Especially these days with birthdays/holidays coming everything's getting harder.

However the intention of the group is solid and you're right others need and loved having that support, me included. Its something to think about...

Thank U *hugs back!*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ah true, I hadn't considered the moderation angle, I haven't visited the site for a while. Which is kind of ironic, because my Dad died earlier this year so maybe I could have found some comfort there.

If you can see the members list maybe you could set up a page and invite those same people to join? I don't know if you'd want the bother.

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

You're not alone, I cried too over his little girl's death, whether it was real or not it was heartbreaking at the time. But as amber put it so well "I've got those feelings too but I refuse to dwell - especially when 99% of the people I've met online have been wonderful."