Holes - a double drabble reaction to Episode 17

[amberdreams]

Holes

Word count: 200
Warnings: Season 9. Episode 17 reaction but no specific spoilers really.
Summary: Now we’ve got holes in our hearts, but we carry on. A pair of drabbles.



Sam sat down heavily. He stared at the folders, dull against the gleaming polished mahogany table. Everything hurt. Every bone, every muscle; his head, his heart.

His goddam soul ached.

He could hear Dean breathing, shuffling papers around. The logical, rational part of Sam knew if he was to turn his head, he’d see Dean there, head down, reading, but part of Sam was unconvinced. That part knew if he turned his head there would be nothing there.

It was all so wrong but Sam didn’t know how to make it right.

He was so fucking tired he could cry.


0x0x0x0

You’re afraid…

There was a buzzing under his skin, a prickling discomfort, and the Mark burned. Constant and throbbing and insistent as a hard on, and just as difficult to ignore. Dean ignored it anyway, just like he ignored Crowley’s whispering voice inside his head, Sam’s pained expression, the half empty bottle of Jack he’d hidden under the table when Sam had come back, as if Sam wouldn’t smell the alcohol on his skin, seeping out of every pore.

Nothing helped, but Dean didn’t know what else to do.

Everything was too messed up for him to make it right.

0x0x0x0

A/N While I was writing it I had Passenger's Holes running through my head - it seemed appropriate.

Comments

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

beautiful drabbles. Now I am inspired.

This ep was so good, and yet it HURT. Dean was so paralyzed.... And Sam was reaching out, only to be rebuffed!

Argh, the feels!!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Yes yes! Paralysed is a good way of putting it... I felt all tensed up throughout the whole thing every time one of them was on screen. Punched in the feels again!

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

Ouch this is as painful as the episode was to watch at times. Dean is so lost and I'm worried that Sam has left it a little too late to try to reach him. But on the other hand I love a hurting, broken, troubled Dean!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Heh heh we do love our hurt boys - but ecky thump. This was another punch to the feels, wasn't it!

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

This was fantastic, Amb! I think you hit the nail right on the head in a mere 200 words. I needed this; I just read a lengthy episode review that basically blamed Sam for every little bit of Dean's decent and I SWORE I wouldn't be a negative Nellie in my responses (there's enough of that, inter-fandom, right now), so to see a Dean!girl get it speaks volumes about your ability to be empathetic and savvy. All the pretty words in the world won't mean a thing if they feel like they're bent to the point of incredulity; your double-drabble felt sensitive to both guys and made me worry bunches for both of them! Great job.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Your comment has made ME very happy now! I've only watched the once and need a re-watch but I felt tense all the way through - both of them felt so cut off...and it felt dangerous for both of them, you know?

Thank you!

[chomaisky.livejournal.com]

Your drabbles were the first thing I saw after watching this week's episode, and they fit well with the show. And I personally connect with your description of Sam's tiredness because I happened to have been dealing with disorientation and re-orientation myself. I've been reading your 100 days of happiness and they made me smile. I'm sorry I didn't comment on them, I'm just ... too tired...

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Sending hugs to you!! So sorry your Real Life is being a little bitch at the moment, I hope that things will get better for you very soon (and a lot sooner than they are likely to get better for the Winchesters...)

[chomaisky.livejournal.com]

It's not bitch, it's just taking a turn I didn't expect. I think I'll sort it out within 2 months, so I'll definitely get better before the boys :) *hugs*

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

This really captures the emotion in that last scene. Seeing them so apart, even though they were in the same room... (Sniff)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

You are never so alone as when you are with someone...yeah, I was hurting for them both.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

These are both excellent but the first one? Just every bit of perfect.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you - my heart went out to Sam even more than Dean this episode - I guess that showed!