(no subject)
Dec. 26th, 2016 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberdreamsToo much fucking death and sickness - too, too much. My old friend Mal has gone; he died yesterday in hospital, with his daughter, Fran, and her boyfriend by his side. I feel rotten - no, I feel bloody guilty on top of everything because I haven't been to see him for ages. I let life and inaction get in the way of visiting him in hospital and only went a couple of times, and I never visited when he was in the nursing home in Aldeburgh because it was so out of the way. Well he's out of the way for visits now all right. Couldn't really get any farther out of the bloody way.
I know he hasn't really been the same man since he lost his wife about three or four years ago, but there were still parts of life he enjoyed, especially the parts that centred round food and drink, so it's extra sad that Fran said he never got the sherry he'd been looking forward to on Christmas Day. He'd have been gutted about that.
I don't have many photos of Mal. Mostly we met up over the years for meals together.
I'll remember him like this, enjoying his drink
and his food
and a good cup of coffee
I first met Mal when I was working at the Manpower Services Agency, my first job, way back in 1984. He was based in Norfolk so it was a while before I got to know him, and my first memory of him was at a work pub lunch. Mal was holding forth, telling stories, which was his forte. Very - ahem - creative stories. This one was about how difficult it was to take out a Sherman tank when he was fighting in the Panzer Corps in WWII. All fabrication, of course, he's no more German than I am, but he was very convincing, and often people believed he'd fought in the war, even though he wasn't even born until 1946! We didn't have much in common in many ways - Mal loved to drink and to talk about drink, I'm teetotal. He was pretty far right in his political views, I'm not. But we bonded over things historical and archaeological, and somehow managed to avoid arguing about Maggie Thatcher and the Labour party, and I'm going to miss his wicked laugh and ridiculous sense of humour.
I know he hasn't really been the same man since he lost his wife about three or four years ago, but there were still parts of life he enjoyed, especially the parts that centred round food and drink, so it's extra sad that Fran said he never got the sherry he'd been looking forward to on Christmas Day. He'd have been gutted about that.
I don't have many photos of Mal. Mostly we met up over the years for meals together.
I'll remember him like this, enjoying his drink
and his food
and a good cup of coffee
I first met Mal when I was working at the Manpower Services Agency, my first job, way back in 1984. He was based in Norfolk so it was a while before I got to know him, and my first memory of him was at a work pub lunch. Mal was holding forth, telling stories, which was his forte. Very - ahem - creative stories. This one was about how difficult it was to take out a Sherman tank when he was fighting in the Panzer Corps in WWII. All fabrication, of course, he's no more German than I am, but he was very convincing, and often people believed he'd fought in the war, even though he wasn't even born until 1946! We didn't have much in common in many ways - Mal loved to drink and to talk about drink, I'm teetotal. He was pretty far right in his political views, I'm not. But we bonded over things historical and archaeological, and somehow managed to avoid arguing about Maggie Thatcher and the Labour party, and I'm going to miss his wicked laugh and ridiculous sense of humour.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 09:42 pm (UTC)I know it's completely normal to feel guilty when you lose someone, and I'm sure Mal appreciated seeing you whenever you were able to get to him. he sounds like he was a great character.
x
no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 11:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 03:41 pm (UTC)I'm fairly certain Mal wouldn't have held anything against you, but it's totally normal to feel the guilt you're feeling. xx
no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 05:13 pm (UTC)It's funny about that left/right thing. I've found that I'm much more willing to allow people to have different views than me and still be friends with them than I was when I was younger. (not racist of homophobic views, mind) but just to be WAY more conservative and still be loved.
I'm sorry your friend is gone, hon. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-27 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-28 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-05 12:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-05 08:25 am (UTC)