An American's view of England

[amberdreams]

A friend found this and I just loved it, so I had to share it here too. I think it may explain some things we might have discussed a few times before.
The full article is here.

I was in England again a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here’s some of what I learned:

• Almost everyone is very polite


• The food is generally outstanding


• There are no guns


• There are too many narrow stairs


• Everything is just a little bit different


• The pubs close too early


• The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards


• Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.


• You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage


• Refrigerators and washing machines are very small


• Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter


• People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government


• Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t


• Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare


• Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?


• Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers”


• The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling


• “Fanny” is a naughty word, as is “shag”


• All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.


• There’s no dress code


• Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open


• They eat with their forks upside down


• The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars


• They don’t seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just neater then [sic] we are


• The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything


• There are hardly any cops or police cars


• 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why


• When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling


• Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here


• Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them


• Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps”


• HP sauce is better then catsup


• Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.


• After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food


• The water controls in showers need detailed instructions


• They can boil anything


• Folks don’t always lock their bikes


• It’s not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages


• Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter


• Nearly everyone is better educated then we are


• If someone buys you a drink you must do the same


• There are no guns


• Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left. You’re welcome.


• Avoid British wine and French beer


• It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American


• Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks


• There’s no AC


• Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper


• Gas is “petrol”, it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter


• If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always


• You don’t have to tip, really!


• Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries


• Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does


• You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in


• Walking is the national pastime


• Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours


• They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven’t put them all back up yet


• Everyone enjoys a good joke


• There are no guns


• Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere


• There are no window screens


• You can get on a bus and end up in Paris


• Everyone knows more about our history then we do


• Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good


• The newspapers can be awful


• Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying


• Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer


• Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated


• The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature


• Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.


• Excess cider consumption can be very painful.


• The universal greeting is “Cheers” (pronounced “cheeahz” unless you are from Cornwall, then it’s “chairz”)


• The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters.


• Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money


• Cars don’t have bumper stickers


• Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America


• By law, there are no crappy, old cars


• When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1”


• Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding


• BBC 4 is NPR


• Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)


• Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own


• You’re defined by your accent


• No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is


• Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport


• Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse


• The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable


• Drinks don’t come with ice


• There are far fewer fat English people


• There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv


• If you’re over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes.


• They don’t use Bose anything anywhere


• Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste


• Every pub has a pet drunk


• Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it


• Cake is one of the major food groups


• Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful


• There are still no guns


• Towel warmers!


• Cheers

So much of this is absolutely spot on! I think he got an untypically favourable impression of our trains though. I have to ask my American friends now - what is this about using the fork in your right hand and upside down????

Comments

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely and utterly one hundred percent accurate, in fact it's so accurate it's a little scary! So freaking awesome. Mind if I share? :D *giggles away to herself*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

of course not, apparently it's gone viral so we are just helping spread the disease LOL!

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

LOL!