Riddle me this - a drabble

[amberdreams]

This was a weird one - I half liked, half hated it but posted it on FF.net anyway, so thought I might as well make you lot suffer it too.

Riddle me this
***********
E/O Drabble Challenge: word count 100
Challenge word: temporary
Warnings: none (experimental?)
Summary: Playing with words – Sam and Dean.
***********
What is Sam?
a temporary measure with a gun half-cocked
a good intention but a priest defrocked
an elastic band, stretched until it snaps
a closed book inside a perfect storm
a bone of contention without a norm

What is Dean?
an open invitation with a folded map
a frayed bootstrap, a simple mishap
a main attraction, a man of action
an unknown soldier without a guide
a gentle declension, a downward slide

Alone, out of synch, attrition wears them down.
Waves rise, winds howl, one of them will drown.
United they are mighty, a warrior family.
Together they are Winchesters.

***********


If anyone feels in the mood to concrit, feel free because I'm still not comfortable with it (mostly the last part I think) so would welcome thoughts.

Comments

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

I really like this! The imagery is lovely and fitting for each brother. I'm not knowledgeable about poetry, so my feedback doesn't get much deeper than this :)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about poetry either. LOL! It's enough that you found something you liked in it. Thanks!

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

Amazing work, there's some lovely imagery here and a real sense of the brothers. I especially adore these two lines "a closed book inside a perfect storm" for Sam and "an open invitation with a folded map" for Dean, just beautiful crafting of words.

I'm afraid I couldn't offer you any con-crit or advice on poetry, I really love the sparse crafting of drabbles and to combine it in poetry adds another depth that I enjoyed very much.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that's a lovely comment and makes me feel better! :D