How to write (or not)

[amberdreams]

Maybe one day, if I keep working at it, I will be able to write porn like this...

or maybe not!
I can't believe a) this is for real and b) it is actually published!!! (And according to the author's website, award-winning???)

Comments

[emmram.livejournal.com]

It presents to us the radical idea that water makes things wet. So great and mindblowing is this concept that it has to be repeated thrice in one sentence!

"dick anuerysm" and "dick parkinson's"... oh dear. Did it also projectile vomit? Or perhaps it behaved more like pus from an incised abscess?

"galloping abs" -- HOKAY. This is a deliberate hoax. An overblown parody. No way could--oh sweet god. Just--wow.

That's actually kind of awesome.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I thought this has got to be a mickey take but I've been perusing her website, and it would appear not (or if it is, then it is an awesomely elaborate hoax and deserves an award)!

She mentions on one page "Would you believe that I got an email from Magnus Eriksson in Denmark? I'm not kidding. Who would have thought when I named my hero in THE VERY VIRILE VIKING that he would have a namesake in modern times?"

Words fail me! BFBL!

[emmram.livejournal.com]

So I was still goggling over THE VERY VIRILE VIKING when the full sentence registered and I choked on my tiffin. Just--she believed that name was so unique that--what--whatwhat.

I read the first few pages of the book on Amazon. There's no hilariously bad porn (woe!) but the writing is... average, if problematic.

The quote above is most likely made-up though. Because come on. "galloping abs"?

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Well, she does promise laughter as well as excitement etc - oh and her latest books are about vampire angels - or as she calls them vangels. Who are then pitted against Lucifer's demon vampires called Lucipires.

Yup.

[emmram.livejournal.com]

I read that. It sounds like it could make for a hilariously irreverent story.

Also, I kind of want that to be the main theme of SPN s8.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Well they haven't started filming yet so here's your chance to pitch it to Jeremy Carver !! Maybe mix it with ash_carpenter's anti-kink series and we could have a blockbuster comedy on our hands...

[http://users.livejournal.com/tesserae_/]

Nobody wearing pants like those should have porn written about them.

(And, holy crap, I clicked through to the website to see if the whole Viking thing was some kind of elaborate joke, but it's not! My non-existent Viking ancestors are crying real tears, I can tell you...)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

The website is full of gobsmacking moments - and yes, my possibly existent Norse ancestors are weeping copiously at being faced with not only time travelling porny Navy SEALs but demon and angel vampires...

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

Uhhhh. I'm not quite sure what to make of this! It seems tongue-in-cheek...almost. She HAS to be doing this with a sense of humor! I mean...honestly.

Gotta give her kudos for the marketing, though. What's the saying: any press is good press?

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

It is somewhat gobsmackingly awful, and yet she has clearly secured a publisher and sells on Amazon and Barnes & Noble so good luck to her - it gives me hope!