Stuff and business

[amberdreams]

Just a drive-by to apologise for being largely absent - Gishing is swallowing up my week, and I doubt I'll ever catch up with all your posts. Especially as I also need to finish my second BB art work, and read two long awaited Big Bangs PDQ!

But I wanted to come on to have a whinge. Then a moan/squee.

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*

However, I refuse to let these stupid feelings of inadequacy get me down.

Gishweek is going rather well! Though I've failed to persuade my dentist surgery that they need a string quartet in the surgeries to calm their patients down. Which is sad, especially as I know other teams will manage that one. It's bugging me because I know two dentists, one in the US and one in Australia, and I have one friend in a string quartet and another whose kids are in the local Youth Orchestra, so it felt as though I should have been able to finagle it somehow.

Now I'm off to create an album cover featuring an animal rock star. Byeeee!

Comments

[sinfulslasher]

Well, for what it's worth, my humble opinion is that you're incredibly interesting with ridiculous amounts of talent, and if the so-called cool kids ignore you, it's their loss and not yours.

*hugs*

Sorry to hear the string quartet item didn't work out but there are tons of other items you'll surely manage. If you / your team need any help with an item, feel free to holler. :)

[theatregirl7299]

Ms Amberdreams - Don't feel left out. I'm on Twitter and Google chat on east coast time and would love to talk Show and fic and plot bunnehs and random randomness. Let me know where and when!!!

💜❤️💙💛💚

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

Aw, BB, i'm sorry you feel that way! i dont think of you in that way at all but see you as a well known, definitely interesting, hugely talented, and respected part of fandom. Your arting especially is fantastic!
I suppose Twitter is the place to be these days but i refuse to as i hate it. I hope you get past this, BB ♥♥ why would you even care abt those so called 'cool kids discussions'?

Happy Gishing! :D ♥♥

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*


ITS NOT JUST ME???

You ARE the cool kid, in my book!!! I love that you comment so often, and am grateful for it. I love working with you. I think you are funny and warm and snarky and delightful. I think we should definitely email, unless you are already tiptoeing away at this point... seriously though, Ive been just at this point this week too with feeling that the apparent cloak of invisibility or whatever is draped over my head.

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

**smooches you**

I think it was looking at Twitter today, it got me down. I resent that so many folk who used to be lovely active presences on LJ seem to have migrated over there. Stupid, I know. Nothing lasts forever...

But yes, do email if you feel like it petal - but leave it till after GISHWHES is over LOL

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Heh heh it was Twitter that set me off, and seeing comments on someone's LJ too. Stupid! And thank you, I wasn't posting this to get a boost but it's lovely that you did it anyway! ♥

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have guessed you felt that way because you're part of the cool kids from my perspective. You're the heart of things, involved with a lot of people and communities. But I know that doesn't change how you feel, and it does suck those feelings never go away. I've felt like a wallflower myself, what with most of my flist quietly migrating to twitter (when did that happen?!), but that's also largely my fault. I just can't keep up online. My interest in and devotion for show is just not as deep, consuming, and long-running as others...

Anyways, I look forward to seeing your big bang art. I plan to catch up with BB posts and comments once I finish my final set as well *hugs* Thank you for all that you've given me in fandom - your time, your support, your stories (from RL to fandom exploits), the laughter and joy - that makes a bigger impact than just being "cool."

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ooh look at the multicoloured hearts, you clever thing! Thanks for the offer - I've never used google chat though I am on google so I suppose it's feasible! I wasn't angling for offers but it's lovely of you to do so. I'm totally swamped at the moment and this was a stupid time to come on here and complain about stuff LOL.

I'm totally up for chats after this week though.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ha ha I've been hollering all over - though as I said, we seem to be doing rather well this year. But that's probably because I'm ignoring the impossible tasks, LOL. Currently I'm trying to find a naval officer or enlisted person willing to video themselves hula hooping on the deck of a warship.

And thank you so much for the kind words - honestly, I wasn't fishing for compliments!

[theatregirl7299]

That's awesome! Because in my eyes you ARE one of the cool kids in the SPN fandom and I am so impressed with your creativity.

Do your Gishy stuff and you can tell me all about it when it's over.

Hugs you tight.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ah you are so lovely ♥... Thank YOU! I know this is stupid, and the ones I'm seeing as the cool kids probably don't feel they are anyway, which makes it even sillier. But yeah - what is it with people migrating to Twitter. You can't even have a proper conversation there - and it's so ephemeral too. It's much too easy to miss things and it doesn't allow for mulling over and thinking time. *sigh*

Still. BBs, baby! Looking forward to seeing your second one too!! ♥

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

♥

I only do red... LOL

[galwithglasses.livejournal.com]

Hey, you. 8-) You're one of my favorite people around these parts. I get the wallflower feeling a lot myself. I can't even figure out where people are having discussions let alone participate. More than a wallflower, I feel like a dinosaur. I don't get twitter and can't figure out how to say anything important in that few characters anyhow. But the biggest bit of it is I'm shy no matter what medium I show up in. It takes a long time to get comfortable with people but the world doesn't seem to move that slow, especially now with the internet. People are off to the next big thing. In many ways, I'm lucky SPN has been around as long as it has. That at least has provided consistency where most other things have come and long gone by. When I always feel left out the most is when people talk about getting together at cons. There's one in my town next week but I'm out of town. Even had I been in town like I was last year, going to a con just isn't going to fly with the way my life and family work. I can live with that but I still feel like I'm missing out on something big. I'm glad you're doing Gishweek and hope you are having fun with that.

[viviansface.livejournal.com]

oh i definitely think you're one of the cool kids too! that being said, i'm sorry you feel that way. but i'll gladly high five you because i feel the same most of the time. (and it sucks, but maybe if we make a club out of it, we'll feel better about... our own feelings, i guess.)

*goes back to researching how to make apps*

[hugemind.livejournal.com]

You totally are one of the cool kids fandom people! I don't know how to just chat with people outside LJ, but LJ commenting I can do - other social media platforms just confuse me. I have a twitter but mostly I use it just to keep up on fandom news and to look at pictures of otters. Wait, do you have a twitter? Because if you do I'd totally add you even though I'm bad at twittering.

Now I'm off to create an album cover featuring an animal rock star.

LOL, you're definitely not the boring kid! :D Have a great gishweek!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I think you're right, it's a pace thing - like I was saying to someone else, Twitter is all in the moment, there's no time or place for reflection, and I think slow sometimes.

I guess we'll just have to make sure LJ stays alive!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Otters... aw... Yes I'm on Twitter but only use it every now and then. I'm @amberdreams on there too (aka Tiger Lily Peatfingers). ♥ to you!

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

It's easy to feel that you're talking into a void sometimes online, even though at other times the community here is a lifeline. And I think it's always difficult negotiating the very shared interest based kind of interactions one has in fandom -- it can be hard to disentangle feelings about the interest from feelings about other people, and it can be painful having one's interests diverge from other people's, or other people's from one own.

But you are most surely not boring!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I don't mind being boring but ha, other times I want to be SOMEBODY. I'm nothing if not contrary. But I am still happy on LJ, so I guess this is it. Tumblr and Twitter just don't have the conversational capacity for me.

Still love you though!

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

Twitter is a mystery to me. I can see it as a platform for fun, but a lot of academic online culture has taken up residence there and I'm just like how? Everyone is tweeting conferences now? I will just sit here sadly with my flip phone and not have a Twitter account, because the Middle Ages have clearly left me behind.

[dear-tiger.livejournal.com]

:D I'd probably feel the same way if I was on Twitter. Ignorance is bliss. But for what it's worth, I'm always, always up for an original fic discussion via PM or email! Always. Don't care about the show these days and don't read fic anymore (other than to troll), but original and publishing and editing and starting new work? Tell me ALL about that!

[sillie]

I think it was looking at Twitter today, it got me down. I resent that so many folk who used to be lovely active presences on LJ seem to have migrated over there. Stupid, I know. Nothing lasts forever...

Omg, you are me. I was actually on the verge of tears not three seconds ago with this thought, and then I read your post. XD *shakes fist at Twitter*

[sillie]

How come even online, I can still feel like the boring kid in the corner that never gets included in the cool kids' discussions? How come those horrible feelings from schooldays can linger when over forty years have gone by? I guess I'm just not cut out to be interesting enough that people want to email me to chat about stuff. You'd think at some point we'd grow out of this crap, wouldn't you. *sigh*

Omg, this. I've started to resent Twitter more and more these days. It's taken away so many awesome people from LJ. I can't check Twitter during the day, and way to much has been posted by the time I get home to catch up. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Also, when I do try to participate in conversations, I usually get ignored and that only intensifies that feeling of being the outcast. :/

[galwithglasses.livejournal.com]

The shy!club, that's us. High fives back! I think there are a lot more of us here than we realize. It is a bit easier to make an initial connection by posting something and responding to comments than to walk into a room and have to mingle. Then I just stand there and awkwardly blush at people. I do that here too but I don't have to get dressed up for it. ;-) And nobody seems to mind. Yay

[synn.livejournal.com]

If it helps any, to me, you're definitely more of a 'cool kid' online than I am, but I know the feelings and I'm sorry you have them too :(

As for the dentist; all you can do is ask. I was thinking today how GISHWHES, if nothing else, has taught me to hear 'no' a lot. It's frustrating, but so many of the tasks rely on not just the gishers, but non-participants, to step outside their comfort zone, and a lot of adults just aren't willing to do that.