As someone who does that spontaneous sobbing thing over lost pets, I sure as hell don't think there's anything wrong with doing it over parents.

Funerals must help some people, but it's such a personal thing, and I'm with you. The public grieving just doesn't resonate with me.

As horrid as tomorrow will be, the dreading is often worse than the actual event. At least this way you can get it over and done, and return to healing on your own terms.

Hang in there, sweetie. And I hope it is at least a nice memorial for your father.