Pity party

[amberdreams]

Just wanted to vent, move along if you ain't in the mood for someone moaning who has no real cause.

BUT.

I just got back from the hospital Eye Clinic, and my left eye is much worse than it was previously, and also worse than I'd thought. I couldn't even read a single letter on the eye chart. Not one. Just a big blurry mess. Even with the pinhole thingy I could only read the first two or three (really large) lines of letters, the last one I was guessing (and guessed wrong! I thought the C was an O and the O was a P). Then I didn't get to see the consultant, though this Dr Martin is one I've seen before and seems to know what she's talking about. She said the scarring hasn't got any worse but that I've got a dry patch running right across the front of the cornea, and this is probably part of what is screwing with my vision. But she wants to check the refraction so I have to go back in a couple of weeks to get that tested, then in a further couple of weeks to discuss the results. She then tells me the consultant is leaving so she wants to get this done before he goes so we can get a definitive opinion on what to do next. I might have to have surgery (dunno what sort yet) but because he's leaving, it will be ether at Bury St Edmiunds or Moorfields in London. Not very convenient. And Im hoping surgery doesn't mean a corneal implant because that seems kind of drastic somehow (dead person's eyes and all that).

So I've just been to Iceland and bought a big bag of Maltesers - and despite the fact that I need to loose weight and that being this fat is also really getting me down, I'm going to pig out on them. So nah.

Comments

[septembers-coda.livejournal.com]

Girl, how is that "no real cause"??? I think that's HUGE cause and it would bother and scare me more than it apparently does you-- not to make it worse! Just saying you have my heartfelt sympathies. I hope it all works out to the best.

Fuck worrying about eating/weight when you've got something like this on your plate. Do whatever makes you feel better and take care o' you. <3

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Well I can still see out of my right eye, so really it's kind of an inconvenience rather than a disaster, you know? But It's scary, coz it's my eyes. So I'm see sawing through being worried and not.

[dolnmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie I am s sorry, you are having these troubles. Don't worry about the weight, one thing at a time, enjoy your goodies and drown our sorrows in snacks. <3

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ha I'm too fond of comfort eating...and am not getting much exercise either - it's a bad combination. Never mind.

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that (and you can always vent here so don't apologise for that!) I'll be keeping all my fingers and crossed for good news.

(and really, you could have chosen far worst things to snack on than Maltesers - they're like 80% air!!!!)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

80% air, yup, I'll tell myself that. LOL!

And thanks.

[beelikej.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about the eye-problems, it sounds like you at least have a doctor who's on top of things and will grab hold of that consultant for you. Hoping for the best *hugs*

Heh, I was wondering why you'd go all the way to Iceland to get Maltesers, but suspect it's a store :-p YOU ENJOY THOSE MALTESERS, YOU HEAR?! (Mmm, can almost taste them, excellent self care plan, lady:)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Hee hee yes, Iceland is a supermarket chain here (specialises in frozen foods, unsurprisingly). And thanks...

[be-my-precious.livejournal.com]

aww... i really hope it's nothing as serious as that! *crosses fingers* that really sucks though *hugs*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Sorry about the late response, I missed some comments by mistake.

[galwithglasses.livejournal.com]

Thought I'd let you know that corneal dystrophy runs in my mom's family. My grandma, my aunt and my Mom have all had transplants done in both eyes. It gave them sight back and the freedom to do so much that they were losing like reading and driving. They have made a ton of improvements in the process over the years. Yeah, I know, the donor bit makes me squirm. My mom was able to contact the donor's families through the eye bank and the families were very gracious. My mom became an advocate for organ donation because of it. I'm looking (ha, pun) at this in my future and I have a lot of mixed feelings too. I do know that they end up replacing a lot less of the cornea than they used to. If you want any specifics, just send me a pm. Thinking of you and hoping all goes well.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you! At the moment it isn't the thought of surgery that's upsetting, it's the donor aspect - even though I'm on the donor register and have been for years, and believe in it as a principle. The idea of taking feels a lot different from the giving! Sorry to hear you face something similar, that must be quite a weight hanging over you.

I might well come knocking if the consultant's view is operating is the way to go.

[herminekurotowa.livejournal.com]

Now this sucks :(((



At least it's something that the doctors can fix (yes, I'm always clinging to the upside).

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Yep, and it isn't total blindness, which much be so scary. I'm on the upside too, really.

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

Dude, stop THAT right now, this isn't a pity party this is a cause for concern and you are TOTALLY meant to be over here venting and raging because damn *hugs* I have issues with my eyes too and the thought of losing my sight scares the holy hell out of me, so I completely get how you feel right now! The Maltesers are the least of what you deserve, SOD THE SCALES! *hugs you so tight*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ha actually for once I'm not angry. LOL! Anyhow, it's ok, I can function as I am, it's just inconvenient for some things - and at the conventions I'll watch through the camera lens which is better because I can zoom!

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

That's true, you can use the kick as camera of yours and get a better view than most of the rest of us, lol! Just take care of yourself hun.

[fairyniamh]

I had to look up what Maltesers were. LOL, They are like Whoppers, sadly, both have the same flaw. NO DARK CHOCOLATE! I'll just have to make my own, using German Dark Chocolate. (I have an easier time finding German and Indian foods than UK. Heck, even Japanese foods are easier to find. I think it is because of the large German and Japanese groups here in Texas.)

Now, on to the health. I know receiving a donated part is scary, but look at it this way. It was given so someone would have a better quality of life (Sometimes it is given to just save a life.) Just like blood and spinal fluid, the donor (even dead) has to go through a shit ton of tests before the parts are used.

I'm not sure about every donor, but I have been giving blood and been on the marrow donor registry since I was 18. More than 20 years. I take the giving very seriously. I want to save someone. When I die, I want to give someone else life. I won't be using the body parts so why not let someone else use it. We don't want our recipient(s) to be afraid. We want them happy. Accept the gift given, IF it comes down to that. You might not have to have it.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the present.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you - yes I know what you mean about the donation, I've been on our donor register since it first started and used to give blood before I had to keep taking steroid drops for the eye - it's just like I was saying to someone else, the giving part seems much easier, somehow! Anyhow, like you say, that might not be necessary, I'm probably worrying about nothing, really. :D

I can't imagine a dark chocolate malteser! I do like dark choc though.

[jimbobjoe.livejournal.com]

Oh goodness. Eye problems are always so scary, but especially if you are a heavily visual person like I'm guessing you are. I am SO nearsighted that I worry one day my eyes will just give up!

Take care of yourself and enjoy those Maltesers! You need them, and screw the weight worries right now.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

yes, being shortsighted as well - it's great. Oh by the way, as you get older, your nearsightedness will very likely improve though you might end up needing reading glasses!

[jimbobjoe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard that. My eye doctor also told me my vision impairment changes would level off as I hit 20. It didn't actually level off until I hit 30. Who knows what 50 will bring!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

If I remember right, my eyesight stopped deteriorating around 30, then was actually improving (left eye anyway) before the blooming shingles. Hey ho. We never know what's going to happen, do we!

[sw0rdy.livejournal.com]

Hope you can get your eye sorted. You are TOTALLY entitled to have a moan.

And if it's any consolation, I've just eaten an entire bag of Giant Buttons...

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Mmm chocolate buttons... yum!

[fufaraw]

I'm with you on being a donor--I haven't had to think of being a recipient yet, but I think I'd be okay with it.

I'm riding out the last weeks of the period the surgeon wanted to wait to re-evaluate my left eye. I do know the PVDs have gotten a lot worse--I have black knots--like tangled thread--in both eyes. PVDs appear like giant floaters, and there's no cure for them. Laser removal usually leaves scarring that's worse than the PVDs themselves. But the left eye had synechia, with several adhesions pulling the pupil out of round. At the last visit, last summer, the last of the adhesions had let go and the pupil was round again. The lens was sticking to the back of the iris, though, and pigment cells had transferred, so that's what's causing some blurred vision now. And we never did pinpoint the cause of the inflammation that started the whole magilla.

So I'll see her soon, and she'll decide if a lens replacement will make a significant enough difference. I do have cataracts in both eyes, but just the very beginnings of one in the right eye. I am so tired, though, of trying to focus *past* all the unwelcome "things" floating around in my vision.

I wish you well with your cornea stuff. Was it an injury that caused the scarring?

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Ah now there, I had no idea you were going through such a torrid time with your eyesight. That all sounds dreadful, much worse than my little problem. I really hope you get a solution! I do understand a little bit what you mean, I've got a floater in my left eye at the moment too, so with that and this stupid cloudiness, it is very distracting.

Mine was caused by shingles - I never even knew you could get shingles in your eye and it's bloody lucky that shingles is a one sided thing because having both eyes affected would have been really terrifying. I don't know how you are coping.

Sending you lots of positive vibes xx

[de-nugis.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. Eye trouble is so scary and frustrating. I hope that you get all the necessary doctors and tests lined up and that it turns out to be less drastic than a corneal transplant. *hugs* You have absolutely earned as many Maltesers as you need. There are moments that require them.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you, hope you had a glorious weekend in NY!

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

You're allowed to have a Pity Party, we're all here to support and listen to each other vent when needed - and I'd say you have the need at the moment! I can imagine how worrying this all is, but if you do get referred to Moorfields you'll be in great hands, a lady I used to work with had her eyesight saved by the team there and was so thankful she traveled up to London every week to work as a volunteer there!

And Maltesers are only 187 calories...oh, you said a big bag! I don't know about that size! But I hope they helped a bit - if not these priestgeezers might!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I was thinking Moorfields would be a good option apart from the inconvenience of the travelling but maybe it won't come to that. As for the maltesers, I didn't eat the whole bag so I thinkI can have the priestgeezers for afters, right?

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

Help yourself to the priestgeezers, they are non-fattening!

Yes, I hope it doesn't get to the stage where you need to go to Moorfields, but if you do you'll be in good hands.

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Sorry to hear about your eye. This sounds like reasonable and understandable concern rather than a pity party though! It also sounds like you're in good hands. Good luck. Here's hoping for the best possible outcome.
I'm going to the optometrist myself on Monday. I have rotten eyesight too (astigmatism and short-sighted-ness in my case) and my left eye has become much, more worse lately.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Snap on the shortsightedness and astigmatism, though my left eye had actually improved before the shingles hit, so it's extra annoying. You have to hope the shortsightedness will improve with age though what seems to happen is we start needing glasses to read instead! LOL

[chomaisky.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you have to go through so much trouble to get the treatment.... And that implant does seem a little disturbing.

Hugs! Don't know what Maltesers are but you deserve them <33333

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Aha! Next time you come to the UK, I'm getting you some Maltesers!

[dear-tiger.livejournal.com]

Aw! Sorry, hon! That's a sucky way to spend your day, and sucky news to walk away with. I think you should invest in a skull-and-bones eye patch, just to make a statement, because fuck this shit.

But for real, I think they would've told you if they were considering corneal transplant. Seems pretty out there. Good luck with all of this ♥

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I have been considering an eyepatch since I am sometimes walking round with that eye shut anyway! My friend got a real fancy velvet and diamante one when she had her detached retina problems, but then she's tall, slim and has bright red hair, so can get away with virtually anything!

The consultant did talk about the possibility of a transplant a long while ago when I first saw him, but it was alwasy a last resort thing. We'll see. I'm not worrying too much, que sera sera, you know.

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

You NEED a rakish eyepatch! It can be your awesome uniform.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I'd just look like a plonker. LOL

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

When I grow the extra arms I'll let you know!! LOL

[monicawoe.livejournal.com]

oh my goodness, so sorry to hear about the eye trouble!
Hope it all goes as well as it can! ::hugs::

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Thanks (belatedly!) - I'm sure it will work out, eventually.

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

Dang it, I had a nice post compiled and the internet ate it. Now I have to remember my stream-of-consciousness blather.

My heart goes out to you, Amb. My eyesight has been ebbing since I hit 40, and my uncle had macular degeneration, so I'm always fretting. Losing my eyes or hands would destroy me. SO SCARY. And you're being so damned pragmatic and brave about it. Got every crossable appendage crossed that they can get a handle on this. *smish!*

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Knowing there is something like that in the family is like a sword of Damocles hanging over your head, isn't it? My eyesight was always quite bad - short/near sighted - but I have good close vision. Then I hit 50 and started losing the close up stuff and needing varifocals (grrr) but my left eye for long distances was improving! I was just starting to think how fun it was to be able to read stuff on the telly without my glasses when bam, I got the bloody shingles.

I have a friend I used to work with who has tunnel vision, and it's steadily declining so all she has to look forward to is inevitable blindness - I can't even imagine how that must feel. In comparison, at the moment this isn't all that bad - I can still function and do my art and writing. But it's still scary, yup.

I see you can cut down your risk of getting macular degeneration by not smoking, avoiding certain fats, keeping your blood pressure and cholesterol low, and wearing HEV blocking sunglasses. Who knew.

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

I should be good, then! HERE'S HOPING.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

ABSOLUTELY!