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Sep. 7th, 2017 09:04 pm
amberdreams: (Default)
I can't really put this on Facebook, but this song makes me think about Rachel. Her daughter Anna hasn't posted anything today, and yesterday she posted this -
For Mum <3
"Do not be afraid
For I have redeemed you.
I have called you by your name
You are mine"
I keep checking and thinking that Rachel could be dying right now. She could already have gone. Every time I get a text or a phone call (thankfully very few and far between), my stomach lurches.

Anyhow this particular fanvid was one of the first I found and still gives me the shivers, it's kind of perfect.


amberdreams: (Bum)
Rachel has been getting a lot of enjoyment from poetry during her illness, and especially Roger McGough. I don't suppose many non Brits will have heard of him, but he has been around since the 60s. He was one of the famous Liverpool Poets, was in a band called The Scaffold with Paul McCartney's brother, and writes wonderfully punny poems. He's also great with kids' poetry. Anyhow, he's still a Liverpool lad, and Rachel's daughter Anna managed to get hold of him via email, and explain about Rachel's horrible situation.

He's sent her two poems, one of which we think might have been written for her, as we can't find any reference to it online. Even if it isn't written especially, it does have a real relevance to her current condition, and I confess, I've been bawling all morning since I read it. Not just the poem itself, but the kind gesture has undone me.
21231802_10154569501291256_7627905311299756590_n
Love the doodles too...

Sad addendum: I think my cousin Michelle is dying too. She's moved back to Manchester and her son is currently looking after her, but it doesn't sound at all hopeful. Her condition has deteriorated so rapidly, it's scary. Just four weeks ago she was able to meet me for lunch, she was in pain but able to walk and enjoy herself. Yesterday she had a wheelchair delivered and tells me (via Facebook) that she can't do anything for herself, not even make a cup of coffee, and she's in pain all the time in spite of the morphine they have her on. The docs are talking about doing a double mastectomy as a means of slowing the spread of the cancer, but she's not sure it will be worth the trauma if it's not going to improve the quality of what life she has left - the cancer is very aggressive and is in her breasts, lymph nodes, ribs and spine.

I can't beleive this is happening to either of them. It doesn't seem real or right. Rachel is 3 weeks younger than me, Michelle is six months younger. I'll need to get up to Manchester to see Michelle soon, when I can find out what's going on. Her phone isn't working at the moment and typing conversations on FB isn't the best means of communication at the best of times, but she's even more woolly-minded when she's on morphine.
 
amberdreams: (Bum)
I've had too much time away and too much time in the company of others (even if one of the others is my hubby, and another is my Mum!) because, bloody hell. I'm in such a crabby mood. Poor Paul's gone up to bed early to escape my snappy responses to everything he says and does. I can't wait to get home and do very little in peace and quiet.

Especially as I'm not sure when I'll have to head north again.

Rachel's daughter Anna messaged me today to say that Rachel's consultant told her it was now a matter of days, a week at most. Honestly, I don't know how they know - I'm guessing she's had scans and they can see how the tumours are progressing. Anna says Rachel had a few bad days (bad being days where she is in a lot of pain and barely functions) after I took my Mum to see her last Thursday, but that today she was bright and with it again, singing "Do ye ken Mike Finnegan" to her when she woke. Crazy woman, why that song? Who knows.

I feel so much for Rachel's three kids. They are all there every day, taking it in turns to sleep over in Rachel's room at night, and so they see her up and down like this, never knowing how it's going to pan out. Hoping she'll beat the odds but wanting it all to be over at the same time. It's easier for me because I'm not there - and the two times I've seen her were good days. Her older daughter, Helga, recently found out she was pregnant, so Rachel has a second grandchild on the way, but one she isn't going to meet. Fuck, that's sad. She loves seeing Max, her six month old first grandchild, which is good. I remember when we reconnected after several years she told me she wished she could have more kids - not a sentiment I ever understood but then I don't have a maternal bone in my body.

A pome.

Aug. 27th, 2017 11:58 am
amberdreams: (Bum)
For Rachel

Stones

My friend, she was my best,
Has stones in her head;
Tumours that grew in spite of the knife,
Untimely, uninvited, malicious.
Wrong.

I want to be cremated, she says,
Make things easy.
No headstone, she says.
Carrying them round is enough.
amberdreams: (Bum)

I'm not going to be around much over the next week or so - we're off to London to watch the athletics World Championships (Usain Bolt and Mo Farrah tonight, woo hoo!) and this week away also incoveniently coincides with GISHWHES.

So while I still can, I'll levitate effortlessly across your screens, like this wee bird. *grin*

amberdreams: (Bum)

Oh lordy. I'm hiding in my front room trying not to think about what the two lads with a hedge-trimmer and chainsaw are doing in our back garden. The other young bloke who was supposedly in charge seems to have buggered off somewhere, and I just had to explain to the two he left behind that nope, I wasn't paying them all that money to just trim the undergrowth back, I expected them to use said chainsaw and massacre the jungle to a level that meant we could then do some tidying up and expect it to be reasonably under control for a while.

The skinny hedge-trimmer weilder wasn't happy, the other wider guy, who only seems to be there to hold the ladder, was on board with it. They are gossiping about girlfriends and haircuts like teenage girls, and the way they are messing about on the ladder has me flinching. There's no way they've ever done any health and safety training and I dread to think what damage they might do to themselves - either falling off the damn ladder or waving the seven foot long hedge trimmer about.

If I'd known this bunch of supposedly professional tree surgeons was just three twenty-year-olds with power tools, I wouldn't have been so quick to let them loose in the garden!

Oh and they are having to climb over the wall at the back with a giant bucket to clear the waste and shred it - next door's car is there... I really hope they don't damage THAT!

amberdreams: (Bum)

Okay, LFCC is no San Diego, but it's big enough for me. This year our little band of hunters didn't have any GISHWHES tasks to do, so we could wander round and do our own thing, which actually meant at times we were like ships that pass in the night. I even persuaded Paul to come, and he enjoyed his mini-geek fest, going to a few of the free panels and ogling the Wonder Women and Cat Women. He has a bit of a thing for slinky women in black lycra LOL.

Read more inconsequential ramblings.. )

Random

Jul. 11th, 2017 10:57 pm
amberdreams: (Bum)
Somebody please explain to me WHY anyone would want to do this to themselves.Read more... )
amberdreams: (Bum)
The view from our breakfast room in Lincoln...Read more... )
amberdreams: (Bum)
We arrived in Lincoln mid afternoon and laboured our roundabout way up to the old Bishops Palace to find our rather marvellous accommodations...
Read more... )
amberdreams: (Bum)
Yesterday we went to Stonham Barns for a mini history festival with several re-enactment groups. We could only stay half of the day as Paul had to get back to Dad-sit so his brother could have a bit of a break from the appalling miserable git, but we still managed to fit in four displays and walked round the whole encampment.

Read more... )
amberdreams: (Bum)
Argh! I'm all for bee conservation but it's a bit much when the same bloody bumble bee stings you not once but three times! Once in the park, once when I got home and hadn't realised the stupid bee was clinging to my top (having presumably accompanied me round Iceland to get tonight's dinner) and once on my toe while I was (oh the irony) looking up online to see what type it was, thinking it was safely occupied in the space between the window and the secondary glazing.
And of course my toe is too small to use my Aspivenin vacuum thingy. Grrrr and likewise OW!
Bumble bee - precise identity still unknown - is now outside in the bushes. He's lucky I didn't swat him.
amberdreams: (Bum)
Photo Op tales from JIBcon 2017

NB there are a couple here I already posted but I wanted these all together so just scroll on by any repeats...

I had too many photo ops this year. I’d gone a bit nuts buying them, because I knew it was my only chance to see our boys this year, and I was desperate to make the most of it. So I’d managed to snaffle one single with Brianna, two singles with Jensen, two with Jared, two J2s, the trio (J2 & Misha), a Jared and Misha double and apparently, two Jensen and Misha doubles. I was mystified by that last one for a while, until I remembered that for JIB7 I missed out on the Jensen Misha. So all I can think is that when I got my prophet pass and they offered me the chance to buy sold out photo ops, I had it in my head that I’d failed to get the Jensen Misha, so bought another. Yeah, yeah, I know – clearly I have more money than sense.

Read more... )

Photo ops

May. 21st, 2017 12:16 am
amberdreams: (Bum)

Oh boy today was hectic and so much fun, and it's nearly midnight, and I'm trying to back things up, edit photos, upload vids to Youtube and --- argh!

So here's a couple of my photo ops so far - I need to take photos of my others because my fave isn't here, ie. Jared leaning on me... I'll get that photographed tomorrow sometime.

Jensen didn't quite embrace me like I'd hoped but he did give me a pat on the back before I exited the room. He said something too but I was too flustered to catch what it was. But hey, look at those adorable pixie ears!

Read more... )

Lucca

May. 11th, 2017 09:03 am
amberdreams: (Bum)
Such a pretty town! And so quiet inside the walls. There are cars and traffic, but mostly it's the rattle of bicycle baskets and the sound of chattering school parties that fill the air. Up on the massive walls there's a wide road but no cars except for one polizia car and a gardening truck. And lots and lots of walkers, joggers and cyclists!

I took a bunch of photos, and as usual the whole album is here if anyone is really interested. Scroll down for Lucca. But for now, it's mini Pic Spam Time!

First a wee vid - Panning round the Piazza Anfiteatro - the ex Roman ampitheatre
Looking round the ex-ampitheatre
Read more... )

Pisa

May. 10th, 2017 08:52 am
amberdreams: (Bum)
I'm so childish. I want to caption things with lines like - Pisa, a piece of piss. Moving swiftly on - I arrived late afternoon and after unpacking, I walked into town across the railway lines (don't worry, there's a subway!). The place I'm staying is really nice, only two years old so it doesn't show on google street view, but at first sight the area looks a little rough. There's a scrap yard or something almost next door and a wall full of the messy kind of graffiti. But it was really quiet last night, and the walk into town is so easy, it's awesome.

Anyhow. Picspam time! Artyfarty and random shots with bicycles follow, so be warned.

Read more... )

On my way!

May. 9th, 2017 07:05 am
amberdreams: (Bum)
Just to say - I'm on my way to Bella Italia, the internet future is uncertain so apologies in advance if I miss posts and fail at commenting for a couple of weeks. I hope I'll be able to catch some things, and to post photos and convention reports when I can, but the Hilton wifi in particular sucks big hairy balls.

So ciao for now, my lovelies.
amberdreams: (Default)
 Listening, or rather inactively listening to the radio at 6am while falling back to sleep does give rise to some interesting and weird dreams! Mine started off with an inspection of the crater caused by the US MOAB, but it was somewhere most definitely not Afghanistan, seeing as how it had lush green vegetation and black tufa rocks. So from that, I'd say it was one of the Azorean Islands I had in mind. That and Clarence's jungle! Our horrified inspection was brief and not very traumatic because we then wandered into a small town and were greeted by the cutest little fat puppy ever. He was a solid pointy faced little feller with a pointy whirly-gig tail, though, strangely, I noted that his otherwise normal tan fur had a kind of oily, petrol-like, multicoloured sheen.

We moved on and went inside a complex of wooden buildings that were a cross between a conference hotel and a craft shopping centre. For some reason, we were then looking at a buffet of home-made food, and Angela had brought some stuff that looked like cake but turned out to be some kind of open sandwich with beetroot and a cheese I'd never heard of. Very tasty! Then that morphed into clearing up plates and other catering debris from different rooms, while gazing through the windows at a swell of glassy water that threatened to overwhelm the building. It was beautiful - all turquoise and gleaming in the sun - but also terrifying! Luckily, I was distracted by a souvenir shop, and another adorable pupster who wasn't furry at all because he was actually knitted!

Then I woke up to hear the radio had been talking about taking dogs to work, as well as the bomb and sport and the like. So that's where all the puppies came from. Hey ho, brain.

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